I don’t care who you are. If your girlfriend falls asleep in your lap, and even after 30 minutes when both of your legs go numb, don’t move. You fucking stay there and appreciate the cute little thing in your lap. If you move you’re weak and natural selection is coming for you.
- Me: I worked at a gas station. A really big gas station.
- Mom: You can't tell people that. It was a CONVENIENCE STORE.
- Me: Mom. What's the first thing you do when you drive up to a [store name]?
- Mom: ...
- Me: You get gas. It's a gas station. It's a really big, really nice, really fantastic gas station. You come for gas. You leave with coffee. How convenient.